the tape rewinds

been building distractions for years.

been pushing myself into the earths core,

burying myself deeper and deeper

until I know no longer of who I am

I am ruins a couple days every few months

that I tell no one of

I tremble and fear those moments before sleep

where I greet every face that caused harm

every single face including mine

every hand that met mine

I am utterly ashamed of my actions and especially reactions

I am in maddening pain and guilt

of what happened

and I am especially numb to what’s about to happen

because I know,

I know the tape rewinds

and there’s nothing to do about it

but see more faces that hurt me

before I go to bed

faces that include mine

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