A diary entry

This just a bunch of crap you don’t have to read.

I am so lonely that I make up conversations in my head. I don’t look people directly in the eye in fear that they will find out. And I, sincerely am incredibly lonely that I don’t know how to make up an excuse for that. I always was alone. I don’t know why it breaks me each time. Maybe because I constantly fail at it. And I hate failure.

Yet again, I fucked up and I’m in this obscene hole of loathing everyone around me and then wonder about the addition of oxygen molecules in the air. Maybe I’m meant to be alone. Or maybe the chemicals in my head got so fucked up that having someone to talk to makes zero sense.

I can’t see what others see. I can’t hold on to people like other people do.

I even failed at love thinking I was the best at it.

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