She told me I’ll always be okay after this

She told me everything will be okay after this

new skin

new person

me

she told me I will know hurt no longer

but you fucking liar dont preach the hurt

they will end up believing

you witch

I believed

and now

I hurt

I got my first panic attack the first time in a long time

everything white, what ever my hand touched it hurt.

my heart hid but its beating told me where it was

I screamed like I was run over by a bus

I dont think you know that magnitude of scream

I screamed like I was awake while my limbs were being sawed

like I was being raped again

I screamed as loud as my big house filled air

My brothers came running upstairs, they whispered my name

once

twice

but they didn’t knock the door

I couldn’t move

God forbid I did

my skin would touch something and I’m off to another panic attack

you witch

Do not preach the hurt, soon we will believe

and we

are the ones

who end up

disappointed