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Subject 3: The Ex

What’s your weakness?
My ex-boyfriend. He drives me insane.

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Why do you think you struggle with friends?
I think that I gave them too much and gave them no limits in the beginning so they got used to doing things not understanding how I feel, and so I actually blame myself and not them. Because it’s my fault for not putting limits.

Explain why you want to go back to your ex? Is it worth the pain?
I miss the memories and everything we went through, I believe he has a good part of him that he doesn’t show. I don’t know if its worth the pain.

Things you’ve learned in 2017?
No one is gonna be there for me so I have to be there for myself.

Would you put your family or your friends first if you had to choose one?
my family.

What’s the one thing you would like to change about yourself today and why?
I would like to talk less and care less. People don’t seem to like it and I’ve always cared about the wrong people.

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You seem passionate about the politics of your country. Talk about it.

My country suffers a lot from the government. Some people say they don’t want it to be like Syria or the other countries but people are already hungry and starving and the only way to solve this is to go on strikes and fight back. People who don’t live there won’t understand the state. It reached to a limit where people can not even afford bread. I actually have a dream to be the president of my country.

What’s your biggest regret?

When my ex-boyfriend cried to me and begged me to come back maybe he was gonna change and be better. Maybe I should’ve accepted him back. Maybe he was gonna be a better him.

What makes you give people the power to upset you? why does it matter if you lose them?
I think it’s the idea of losing them. I’m scared of being alone.

What your relationship between life and death?
I believe that I don’t know what death is so I can’t really talk about it, but I’m not afraid, but I still don’t want to die. And life is alright I mean if we didn’t have any obstacles or difficulties we wouldn’t really like it. Like it would be too boring.

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word for word

  • Family: unconditional love
  • honesty: lies
  • ex’s: assholes
  • Life : extra
  • death : curious

 

What are your beliefs about God?
I believe that there is a God but I know for sure it’s not the God people make up or believe in.

Do you believe in an afterlife?
yes. There is an afterlife, but I do not know how it is.

Is it important to be accepted to be in any relationship?
No, it doesn’t matter.

Would you do meaningless sex?
yes.

But you haven’t for the past year
I think I’m not over my first love yet. I mean, he was my first. It was amazing, I’m not gonna lie. I don’t know, I just don’t think I can move on and do something with someone else. It doesn’t feel the same.

Do you think you can love anyone else?
No. Because the amount given the first time never comes again. First time you get excited and there are many different and new emotions and when it’s the first time it’s something new to you. I know I will love again but I know it won’t be the same.

What made you realize that you had to cut off your friends?
The good moments with them made me try to ignore the bad moments, but then it reached to a point where I only had bad moments and it made me feel very bad and it hurts me that I had to let them go but feeling alone is probably better than feeling the way they made me feel.

Something that resonated in your childhood?
I was playing hide and seek with my cousin very happily and my cousins step mum comes and she pulls me and takes me to a room with my grandma, mum, and aunt, and she slaps me and beats me hard and none of them said anything or did anything. Even though I did nothing wrong. So, basically them staying quiet when I was beaten will always stay in my head.

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