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cloudy thoughts

 

I’m so lost in thought. So preoccupied.

I can’t think straight. I can’t decide on anything. I won’t leave the bed and I forced myself to write. I don’t want to listen to anyone or be anything. Except, be part of the water. nestle between its hydrogen bonds and feel its vibrations and connections. I want to be breathe the air and join its departure; whether south or west, north or east. I want to blend with the wind.

It would be silly to want to fly.

That dream has gone.

I’m the bird with no wings. No, not a flamingo or a damn chicken. I’m a bird that once flew, that won’t ever do so again.

Its a choice really.. To accept the cage I’ve built myself in. I can be one with the wind here can’t I? I’m mostly water so I’m certainly part of it. There’s no need for a departure. Why are wings ever needed anyways. I’m fine without them. I suppose I was always in denial.

I’ve been very angry and I’ve tried to bargain with God. No answer.

of course.

Therefore, I have no choice but to accept that the only reason I’ve lost my wings is because of myself. Myself only.

I can’t think straight. I hoped I’d be wrong this time.

 

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