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Angry letters.

  • Dear you; I thought we were one. I thought my soul was connected with all your beings. I thought if I cried you’d hear me. That when I’d come running to you, Thankful, you’d hear me, maybe smile by raising the sun one more time. It’s not that I only thought. I knew somehow that you were my best friend. Not even that, I knew you were so much more. I climbed the top of a mountain. I saw things I never did. I thought It was you who took me there. It was only me wasn’t it?

 

  • Dear you; I cried and screamed one day, calling you out. “EXPLAIN THIS TO ME”. You see. I have this motto where one day I’ll fucking go through the hill I’m stuck at. Full of weeds and his stares and a lost childhood. Trying to fucking get a glimpse of the horizon, at least. I’m blindfolded, picking my shit up. I somehow knew you’d get me off the hill fully whole. Its been six years since, and I still can’t see the horizon. I SWEAR I FELT ITS WARMTH SOMETIMES BUT IT WAS JUST YOUR LAUGHTER IGNITING MY RAGE.

 

  • Dear you; I put everything that made me human into you. I put every ounce of my being into you. I poured it all in thinking or knowing that you’d drink me in satisfied. God, I thought I was perfect. That regardless of my missing purity, this thing I will never know. Regardless of the missing childhood and the unnecessary scenery of drunken smiles. I swear to you I….. I thought I was whole because of you. It’s just…. recently, I feel like I’m programmed into a body with no heart or a switch. I feel like I have eyes that don’t see. The puzzle that can never be complete. Oh God. Please. You lied. YOU BETRAYED ME. I LOVED YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING YOU IMAGINE. I’m sure you know this. You created my talent. You created my words and my thoughts. I loved you so much. You know, I thought your laughter was you being proud of me, but they’re more of sneers aren’t they?

 

  • Dear God, I don’t feel you anymore and I’m terrified you abandon me when I need you most.

 

 

 

p.s It’s not complete because if I keep going I’ll lose total faith in God and I’m not ready to do so.

 

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